“Everyone wants to be someone special to somebody!”
A friend and I were talking about relationships and ‘friends with benefits’ and how if the relationship is long enough, you want that person to fall in love with you or miss you or feel differently for you. What I find interesting is how you want it even when you don’t feel anything special for this person and clearly know that you don’t want a long-term relationship with them.
As I reflect on this conversation and realize how deeply this statement resonates with me, I wonder about the reasons behind this. Why is it so important for human beings to feel loved and be important to another person? Is it because we seek validation and acceptance and another person offering these makes it easier for us to love ourselves? Or do human beings have a deeper inherent need to be loved?
Over the last few years, I have read a decent bit about how accepting and loving yourself is the first step to be happy. Google defines self love as “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic)”. I have worked on recognizing and appreciating the qualities I value in myself and loving myself and building a life where I am at least moderately happy. I think I am finally at a point in my life where I am confident about who I am and accept my good and bad qualities. While that has probably helped me survive all the relationship fiascos and breakups and may have made the whole dating process easier, I still find myself seeking to be special to somebody. It looks like self-love doesn’t replace being loved by another person?
P.S. I just came across this article that does a great job on discussing approaches to cultivate self-love, in case you are interested.
Song on my mind – Sooha Saaha from Highway