Love exists and it makes people happier, life more fulfilling.. Out of the blue, I find myself wondering, what if love never finds a way into my life.. This is one of my biggest fears in life.. I have loved deeply and been loved, but it has either been one-sided or with someone who’s not been right.. Outwardly, I pretend to be cynical and strong and seem to have accepted the reality that I will meet someone when I will meet someone and I am OK being alone till I meet the right person.. However, inwardly, I live in the hope of finding someone who I share love with, soon.. Someone who appreciates me for my quirks, who values the qualities I have worked hard to acquire, who accepts me for who I am, and loves me and adores me and is proud of me, who recognizes my strengths and weaknesses, and appreciates me for them.. I want to love someone in the same way.. I want to respect my partner for the person that he is, I want to love him and accept him, to learn things from him and look up to him, to support him when he needs me.. I want to love and be loved..
I’m looking at pictures of a couple – K and R. I used to be friends with both K and R in college/university in India, I think I was a bit closer to R than to K. They were friends and started dating just when R was leaving the city they were both in. Three months later, R moved to the United States for grad school and they continued their long-distance relationship. They were in a long-distance relationship for five years until R finished her PhD and moved back to India. Following a few more months of long-distance, they both eventually moved to the same city and then got married. I have always looked at them in awe for surviving an overseas inter-continental long-distance relationship for more than five years. I can’t even imagine the kind of commitment it must have taken and I don’t think I could have done it. I remember a conversation with R when she said that they had both been hurt in love and consequently recognized each other’s value and were willing to make an effort to be together. I have always admired them for their love and commitment towards each other. While I am not a big fan of people being in long-distance relationships and then getting married without ever being in the same city, K and R’s story was different. In my opinion, the friendship that K and R shared before they started dating provided a strong foundation for their relationship.
Anyway, R is currently in the US for a short fellowship and K was visiting her in December and looking at their pictures and the love they share made me wonder – will I ever share this kind of love with anyone where all other things would be secondary, where being together and there for each other would be the priority? While my realist brain knows that there’s no guarantee, my hopeful heart is not ready to even consider the reality of that never happening…
Song on my mind – Traveling Light by Leonard Cohen