I realize that I usually write here when I’m sad and dealing with intense emotions. This is one of the spaces where I try to be completely honest and write about my deepest feelings. There are days when loneliness engulfs me and I can’t see through the fog.. Days when I feel so utterly exhausted – physically, mentally, and emotionally – that it’s hard to imagine things any other way.. A lot of times, writing about this pain and longing helps me survive in these situations…
However, I have observed a big change in my feelings in these past months. In the past few weeks, I haven’t thought about getting back with AB at all. Even though things are difficult, I know that that relationship didn’t make me happy. For the first time, in all these years, I don’t feel ambivalent and am sure about my decision.. And I hope to stay strong.. We are still texting off and on because our lives are entangled by practical matters and we are in the process of sorting all that out.. But I’m learning to accept life with its ups and downs and I just wanted to share with you that things are going well..
Once in a while, every few days, the fog clears and I feel alright.. There are days or parts of days when I’m comfortable in my own company.. When I feel the motivation to go after whatever I want.. When I don’t worry about finding someone new or ending up alone.. When I wake up singing a song and smiling.. When I make the effort to meet new people or old friends and have a good time.. When I talk to friends and family and feel connected and content.. When I’m at peace with life.. When I enjoy nature’s beauty all around me and click pictures and share them on instagram.. When I notice the small things that make me smile.. When I buy flowers for myself.. When I enjoy a quite night alone.. This is a time when I am learning to be comfortable in my own company.. I am learning to accept and love myself for who I am!
So that’s my somewhat positive update for you! How have you been? Did you have a good weekend?
Enjoy a couple of pictures I clicked today evening and have a good week!