When I started seeing a therapist H about two years ago, she would ask me how I was really feeling about certain situations that I was talking about. The question took me by surprise as I was unable to identify my emotions and was unsure about how I felt. Those first few sessions led me to the realization that I (or we) spend so much time worrying and thinking in our head and ignoring our emotions. It took me a few months to learn to identify my emotions and listen to my gut feelings, and I’m so happy that it happened. I now use visual imagery to identify my emotions, and its enlightening to realize how I really feel about certain life events rather than how I am supposed to be feeling. In my teenage years, I was an emotionally sensitive person, and probably still am. I remember that most people in my life would advise me to not be an emotional fool, to be more practical, to not take decisions based on emotions. However, my life has tremendously changed since I met H, I have learned to focus on my emotions and that helps me identify what I really want/need and makes it easier to take decisions.
I love reading blogs and articles, and spend every possible minute doing that. You will find me reading something on my phone when I’m on the bus or waiting for it, in the loo, when I’m taking a break from work, when I don’t feel like working, and sometimes even when I’m talking on the phone! My sis S1 had shared this blog with me a couple times earlier and I found it very interesting but I lost track of it. Today, she sent the link again and I loved a post so much that I had to share it. The post is titled “I can change my mind” and I can totally relate to it right now! Though this is not a new idea, it is so freeing. I feel like this post encapsulates so much that is going on in my head right now! Yes, I can change my mind if I’m unhappy with my current life and try to find a path that makes me happy!
And right now, just sitting and thinking about it, I feel so excited! I want to figure out what makes me happy and live my life to the fullest. Yes, it’s not going to be easy but I want to experiment and risk stepping away from the comfort zone. I have so many dreams and want to do so much with my life. I want to see many new places, read lots of books, write a book someday, learn to paint, contribute my bit towards gender equality, work for a non-profit or teach, build new and meaningful friendships, and other things that I will want to add in the coming years. And today, I feel like I can make it happen! I do currently feel trapped in my life, but it’s in my power to change that! I just need to remember my dreams and not get scared by the uncertainties. Life is always going to be uncertain, but I hope to have the courage to accept it.
Also, sharing a picture of Cucumber Falls in Ohiopyle! We went to Ohiopyle on Sunday, and this is a small waterfall and a creek which had more water than normal because of the rains. AB and I crossed the creek stepping on rocks even when there was a lot of flow and I was very scared to begin with. Then, I saw many small kids playing in the water fearlessly and that made me question why I was so scared and I tried to overcome those fears. By the end of it, we even climbed on slippery rocks and went all the way to back of the falls. That was such a fun experience, will share more pictures of that later!