Go with the flow! (Or not!)

So I’m back by the river! And I think I’m going to free write here for a few days! I wish it was quite here though.. I come to sit by the river to get some quite alone time and space. Sadly, I can hear some or the other machines running. Most days, it’s quite enough for me, but today, the front lawn pretty close by is being mowed, and the noise is a bit annoying. Oh well!
So while I was setting up experiments today, I was thinking about this specific advice that I have received quite often in the last few months or maybe even years. The advise that I should let things be and just go with the flow. In the last few months, I have noticed that I get defensive the moment I hear this advise. So as I think and try to understand why I get defensive, I feel that it may be because this statement makes me feel that what I’m doing to fix or figure out the situation is not good enough or is somehow wrong. I think the underlying problem is that I don’t know how to let go. The only way that I intrinsically know to deal with things is to constantly worry and obsess about them. For example, there are two big decisions that have been staring in my face for a while now. One is that I need to decide on the kind of career I want to pursue and then actively start looking and applying for jobs. The other decision is related to AB, whether we should try and work on the relationship or break up and move on in life. I have spent hours and days and months and maybe even years analyzing and thinking and obsessing about these decisions. Of course, that leaves me exhausted and I sometimes avoid thinking about them. But when I avoid thinking about them, I feel guilty because I feel that I should be doing something about it. I know it sounds crazy, but this is how I process it. Sometimes, I worry about losing out on time and opportunities and a big fear is wasting my life away because I can’t find a career that I’m passionate about and that fulfils me. With AB, I also worry about wasting time if this doesn’t work out, not just mine but his as well. Ironically, sometimes, the worrying almost paralyses me and I have no motivation to make decisions or change things. At other times, I make a decision and some external forces prevent implementation and I end up back in the lurch!
I wonder, does anyone have the ability to let go of things and go with the flow? What about you, do you tend to think and analyze like me or are you able to let things be when it comes to big decisions?
P.S. As I sat by the river, the mowing stopped after a while, and it was kind of quiet. And the weather has changed and its breezy and overcast. After writing this post, and deep breathing and enjoying the weather, I’m happy that I feel a bit relaxed and refreshed! And here’s a picture of the river for you!

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6 Responses to Go with the flow! (Or not!)

  1. The decisions around jobs is understandable…as is the relationship. Usually, I try and do a pros and cons and if after that, you are still confused and stuck, maybe a break from the worry is required before you go back to it after a week or so. If you keep thinking about things over and over with nothing new coming to your mind, you need a break. Let the thoughts come and go without getting too attached to them. Worry is weird thing {I know personally!}…it kinda gets you nowhere even though you think it does.

    • kinmin says:

      Yeah I agree with what you are saying. Sometimes, just putting your thoughts on paper helps clear so much mental space and helps you look at things from a different perspective! I should try and make some of these lists, rather than going around in circles in my head!

  2. I won’t even try and give any advice here because I will fall flat on my face. You know that. So, a big bear hug.

  3. Mi says:

    Some things are exhausting.. but cannot be escaped! We have to cross the bridges we come to..sooner or later! More power to you, girl. Hope you get through this! 🙂

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