Thoughts on Mother’s Day!

I’m missing mum a lot this Mother’s day.. A lot has happened in the last month or so that I don’t want to write about yet.. But just want to remember some of our special memories here..

  • I think we started celebrating Mother’s Day around the time when I was a teenager.. I remember that I and my then best friend C would buy a small present and a special card for our mums. The first present that I bought for mum was a lipstick! 🙂
  • In the last year of college, I made a collage for mum with lots of pictures of mum, my sisters, and my grandma – chronicling our time together through the years.
  • Once I moved to US, I would send her flowers and a card.. I love cards and try to find the ones with the most thoughtful messages. Mum cherishes my cards and waits for them every year. Sometimes, I send them late but always make sure that I send them. This is the first year in a really long time that I haven’t sent her a card..

It’s been almost a month since we haven’t properly talked. All of us are going through a very tough phase and are at breaking point. And we have no idea how long this phase is going to last. I just hope that we get through this phase. God, please give her the strength to deal with everything and fight her battles and move on in life. I hope that she can come and stay with me for a bit in US.

I read an article yesterday that mentioned that Mother’s day is the next biggest holiday after Christmas and Hanukkah, in terms of the money spent. Yes, most people are happy to celebrate Mother’s day and get their mum a present or do something to make her feel special on this day, which is great. But what about the rest of the year? I see so many mothers wanting to do everything for their kids – cooking, cleaning, running the house, and providing everything for their kids. And these children, who may be little kids or adolescents or grownup adults, take their mothers for granted and have this weird sense of entitlement. I have noticed a general attitude that it’s alright for the mother to sacrifice and compromise her comforts/wants/needs for her kids or others in the family. What I find the most frustrating is that mothers are proud of sacrificing everything, or putting themselves at the lowest priority since that makes them a ‘good’ mother.

So if you are reading this, please take a few minutes to think about what you do for your mother through the year? Do you make the effort to help her out in day-to-day life, to make sure that she gets a break from the never-ending chores, and that she also gets a chance to live life? Have you ever wondered what your mother’s life and identity is, outside of being a mother? What does she like to do in free time, what makes her happy? Does she get a chance to do those things? Like everyone else, does she ever get a holiday from her ‘work’ (which may be managing the house and bringing up kids)?

A song dedicated to mom on Mother’s Day – Mumma from Dasvidaniya

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9 Responses to Thoughts on Mother’s Day!

  1. Bikramjit says:

    I had no idea about these days till about 1997, thats when it started to come to india, Good marketing tactic by the card and gift companies 🙂

    I feel everyday is mothers day 🙂

    and to answer your questions , Yes I do , I try my best and have done anything that my mom has asked me to do.. always ..

  2. kinmin says:

    Hi Bikram, yes I agree to some extent that it’s a commercial gimmick.. But at the same time, I don’t mind treating her specially on this day just to celebrate her! Having said that, I think it’s very important to remember that she is not super-human and to support her rest of the year.. Watching some of my cousins and friends made me think about this, that do we even realize that mothers are also human beings who also need a break from everything..
    It’s great that you support your mum, I’m sure she is proud to have a son like you! 🙂

  3. Tatsat says:

    Read your reply to above comment, so stopped short of bringing that up 😀

    I am a litle confused as far as parents go. I have a great relationship with my parents ( Ok everyone says that, but …ok about that in some post. Will pingback ), but I don’t quite subscribe to the idea that overrates them. I mean yes, they are adorable. Yes, they are caring. But they are normal people, at the same time. They are prone to mistakes, and stupidities like everyone else. Not every parent loves her child unconditionally, and rightly so. Why should they?

    All I am saying is that, they are special yes. But they are not out of world. Culture in India has blown it out of proportion like many other things.

    With that backdrop- I quite like your post ( yeah well.. ). You should write more about your association with parents. Would be quite a read

    • kinmin says:

      This is something that I’ve also oberved Tatsat, that there is the societal/ cultural expectation of unconditional love and acceptance from the parents! And then because of all the ‘sacrifices’ the parents make to raise kids, they expect their grown-up children to ‘respect’ the parents’ wishes and opinions when making important life decisions.. Sadly, in a vast majority of cases, there is not much distinction between respect for their wishes and letting them control your life. Someone I know termed it the ‘blood debt’.
      Regarding writing about my association with parents, things are screwed up pretty badly right now.. But maybe I’ll write about it sometime!

      • Tatsat says:

        I know exactly what you mean. But of course, you know how it is here. Having a difficult time balancing both worlds 🙂
        It gets screwed up whether you want it or not. I mean its not conceivable that it will be any other way. How can it? Two different worlds. But you can… you know… of course, make a bridge or something 🙂 I really do hope that things get better on that front for you.

  4. I hope things are getting better Kinmin…I’ve been MIA when it comes to blog-hopping but am trying to catch up now. Hope things didn’t reach breaking point and got better instead.
    And I totally agree about the whole Mother’s day thing — why can’t we treat our parents in a special manner the other 364 days of the year? Oh and don’t get me started on the whole mothers ‘sacrificing’ things…annoys me no end. I wish my mum had worked but at least I’m glad she was social and did stuff when we were growing up rather than revolving her life around us. But I still think she could have done so much more for herself…

    • kinmin says:

      Hi PB, I haven’t been very active either but trying to get back now!
      Things are still pretty screwed up, but they will hopefully get better eventually. My mum’s life did revolve around us, and it makes things a bit harder now that we are all grown up and independent. And yeah, totally agree with the fact that she could have done so much with her life. I still tell her that she can do so much even now if she wants to!

  5. My household doesn’t really celebrate Mother’s Day, though I know my family would be delighted to join in some special activity if I asked! I get enough support (generally) to feel okay without fanfare that one.
    My mom is deceased, but I try to celebrate her in how I write and how I live. I wish I hit the mark more often, but I keep trying!

    • kinmin says:

      Hi Deborah, welcome to my blog! 🙂
      I’ve read several posts about your mom on your blog, and I think you do a great job at honoring and celebrating her life and the strength of her spirit!

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