Respect in society!

“Mum, K maasi (mum’s cousin sister) called me today. She was asking about kids and I told her I and R don’t want to have kids. It’s a life-long commitment, and we are happy like this! She also asked about A and K. I told her A is not having kids either and K is not even sure if she wants to get married. She was very surprised hearing all this.”

“Why did you say these things to her? Now people will talk behind my back that my daughters talk like this. Badnami hogi meri (translated to I will get a bad name in the family).”

“But ma, what’s wrong in what I said? I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. I’m just choosing to live life the way I want to and do what makes me happy.”

“But where was the need to tell her all this? You all live your life the way you want. Why do you need to broadcast it?”

“But what’s wrong in what I said?”

“In the Indian society, it’s still wrong to not have kids?!!”

And her heart broke into a million pieces… All her life, she had looked up to her mother for raising three independent daughters. She was proud of her mother for never giving up in the face of an abusive marriage and constant financial difficulties – she made sure her daughter’s got excellent education and were financially independent. She didn’t want her daughters to depend on anyone and have to face what she had to. But for what – so that they could grow up to obey the society’s rules?

She wondered sometimes if her mother really believed in equality or feminism. She wanted her daughters to live life on their own terms, but with certain restrictions as per society. Did her mother agree with the fact that women should work and be independent but in the end, must know their place in the societal hierarchy? Was she expecting too much from her mother? Or was her mother right in saying that she has changed as much as she can to support her daughters, but in the end, she can’t change the basic ideologies she grew up with?

She laughed at the irony that her mother always asked her to respect her father just because he was her father. Her mother’s side of the family all kowtowed to her dad because that’s what he expected and hence, she wanted. But she couldn’t understand how an abusive husband/father is more respectable than a mother who raises her daughters to be independent and live life on their own terms or more respectable than daughters who don’t want to have kids or get married?

This entry was posted in Fact or fiction!, LIFE, society and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Respect in society!

  1. Mi says:

    I love this post. I think every one should have a right to chose a certain life for themselves and not be bogged down by the pressures of the society. Having said that, I still face many such situations and my decisions and thoughts keep toggling. It is very difficult to take a stand and live the life you want to. At the end of the day, the societal pressure does get on to you.
    more power to you, girl!

    • kinmin says:

      Hi Mi, thank you and welcome to my blog! 🙂
      I totally agree with you about having the right to live life on your terms and conditions and also realize that it’s easier said than done! I think it takes a lot of courage to even realize and accept that you don’t need to blindly follow the societal rules!
      In my case, living in another country away from all that pressure makes it a little easier!

  2. Titaxy says:

    i can identify with this post. my parents and i go through unending arguments about the same. and what gets me most if instead of reasoning with me that they maybe want grandchildren, their logic always revolves around what the society will say/think. only because of that the pressure from them becomes paramount. and we end up fighting/arguing. sigh.
    loved reading this, kinmin.

    • kinmin says:

      Thank you Titaxy.. Yeah I understand what you’re saying.. Such conversations about kids, marriage, behaving like the girl’s or guy’s parents are a constant source of conflict..
      For me, this was more about coming to terms to the fact that maybe my mum is different from the image I have of her in my mind..

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