Is it OK to want to control other people’s actions because you love them or care for them in any situation? If not, how do you accept that you have to let the other person make their decision? Even when you know that the person you love a lot is making a mistake?
I came across two such situations today – the first one is from a TV show (Being Erika), while the second one happened to me.
1. A and E are in a relationship.
A: A has a job with minimum wage and he went back to school to get a degree related to his current job that he enjoys and he’s really good at. Before he went back to school, A was really scared of taking the step and E encouraged him so that he can realize his full potential (A and E were friends then). Half way through the degree, A gets a better job offer and wants to take it up so that he has some money to spare. However, A will will have to put school on hold to take up this job offer. A thought about it and decided to quit school for the time being.
E: E disagrees with A’s decision, she thinks that he should finish the diploma and he’ll get much better opportunities in one year. E loves A and doesn’t want him to quit school and wants that he should do what is best for him, which, according to E, is finishing the diploma. E tries to convince him about it, while A gets angry because he thinks E is trying to control his life and his actions.
So do you think E is wrong in doing that? Should A listen to E or should E give up?
2. K and B are in a relationship.
K: K is planning a 2 week trip to India and she just got her leave approved this Friday. K mentioned to B that she would like to book her tickets soon. K usually likes to research good ticket options for a few days, take her time to think things over and then decide on the exact dates and tickets and book them. Sometimes, K ends up paying more for her tickets because of this. K is bad at making decisions and takes a lot of time to decide on things. She likes to analyze all the aspects of the situation which sometimes makes it harder to reach a decision.
B: B likes to take fast decisions and sticks to them. B has an interest in finance and business and enjoys finding good deals. He starts looking for K’s tickets and finds a really good deal. B asks K to buy that ticket and she says she needs to think over it. B keeps asking K every 30 mins why she’s not booking the ticket. Later that day, K and B find a better itinerary and price which seems to be the best option. K says she wants to think things overnight and they are able to block the ticket for 24 hours. Next day, B repeatedly asks K to buy the ticket and K feels under pressure. B wants K to book the ticket early so that she doesn’t have to spend more money on the same ticket later and also so that they can finish a task at hand. B feels bad because he thinks he cares for K and K never listens to him, even if it’s for K’s benefit.
K doesn’t like doing things in a rush and under pressure and feels restless. K ends up giving in because she can’t think of any reason not to buy the ticket, but she feels restless all day. She’s not sure if it’s the ticket or something else that’s bothering her. K gets annoyed at B because she feels B is trying to control what she does.
So do you think B should have let K be and take her decision? If she ends up paying more, that’s her problem, not his. Or should K not make such a big issue out of this since B was only trying to help her and make her life easier?
Song on my mind -Iris by Goo Goo Dolls